Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
