were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
