Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
