I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
