I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
