you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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