You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
