It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
