I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
