You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
