Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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