we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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