____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
