Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i love accidental penises.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
