I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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