I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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