She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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