dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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