stop calling my apartment porn island.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
