Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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