I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
