Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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