So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
They have beer where we have blood.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
