his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize