During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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