That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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