I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
