I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
