After last night, I could never be a politician.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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