is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My penis needs a shock collar
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
