You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
