IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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