It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
