I want to walk on stilts...naked
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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