it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize