i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize