Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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