thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
