Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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