There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
