Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
