Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
