my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
