Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize