My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
