I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
