were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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