Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
