the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize