You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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