like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
