that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you had me at cake vodka
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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