I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Send help, water and tortillas.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
