I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The convent might be a nice break from real life
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
