did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
