What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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