Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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