i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
