zippers are such a cool invention
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
