Girls should come with a carfax report
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
