32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
