True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
birth control should be required to get into college
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
