You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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