I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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