i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
