when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
