I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
