3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
