You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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