I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
