im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
