Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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