sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
not ubering you a puppy
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
