Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
