Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
