i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
