Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize