Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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