I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
