Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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