I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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