It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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