never play flip cup with pint glasses
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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