just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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