i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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