When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
