It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
