He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
