4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
