I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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