I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
