call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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