Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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