i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
