you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
