I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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