i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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