her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
