You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
