dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I understand Curling. That high.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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