I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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