Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
