Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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