FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
