maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
