so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
