your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I wear drunk well.
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