I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
