I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
one two three fourrrrnication!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
