filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
