I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
