you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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