let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
