Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
